The Kingdom of God

OK, I know, I know. I'm really behind in my blogging. Believe it or not, it's not because I'm doing nothing, it's because I'm doing SOMETHING! God has gotten a hold of me like nobody's business and I have truly been meditating on it, contemplating it and down-right reveling in it!!! Let me explain where I think the epiphany began.

It was close to Justin's birthday. Always a sad time for me. I seem to stop any hint of forward progress and regress around his birthday, the anniversary of his departure and holidays. I was lying in bed - more like hunkered down with the covers over my head whining about 'my lot in life' when I heard God speak into my spirit, "Do you really think your plan for his life was better than mine?"

I couldn't move and I knew it was God because my spirit seemed to immediately answer for me - a resounding "YES!" But I - the spiritual Sherrie - knew better. I knew that was the wrong answer. I had to come up with something pious and spiritual. Funny thing about your spirit though - it's woefully HONEST. :) So while my woman was attempting to cover over, my spirit sat smugly forcing me to agree - "Yes, Lord. I think my way would have been better."

Ladies, it was a mind-blowing, life-changing moment. I can't say lightening flashed but a light did come on in my spirit. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew how wrong I had been. How faulty my thinking was. How shallow my dreams for Justin's life and my family's life had been. The audacity of ME! To think I knew better based on what I was 'feeling.'

And what has happened since then has been nothing short of amazing. I have moved from the valley of the shadows into the Kingdom of God. The only shadow I see is His over me! It is miraculous. It is mind-blowing.

You see, the truth of the matter is - I think it took more power to heal my heart and soul than it did for God to raise Justin from the dead! We are so busy looking for the physical "fix" that we don't recognize the spiritual one.

I guess the true test will be the rapidly approaching holidays and one empty stocking. But grief with hope is life-enabling and grief without hope is death to the soul.

Take that word from God to me and allow it to plant a seed in your heart. Whatever you are stewing over right now. Whatever has been allowed to steal your peace or your joy. "Do you really think your plan is better than His for your life?" It begins with honesty and ends with a choice to move from the darkness to the light. It is a conscious decision that will need re-affirming until it becomes habit.

One days these eyes of faith will have sight. Until that day I am seeking Him for all I'm worth. I'm choosing Him - above all else. Just like a little child - my hand is clutched tightly in the hand that will not let me go. He is my all in all.

In my mind's eye I can already envision the day Justin and I will dance like two-years olds down streets of gold to the laughter of One who rescued us from the fall and redeemed us to His glory. Until He calls me, I will faithfully serve Him on this earth - to the praise of His glory. I can almost hear them in unison right now saying, "Bout time, sister. Live!"