Come, Emmanuel!

We are moving a candle - and Mary - nearer and nearer to the much-anticipated day when we celebrate the birth of Christ. This is the first year we have actually had an advent candle in our home and I wish we had done it long ago. There is something very anticipatory about lighting that candle and moving the donkey - with its precious cargo - closer to the day we have commercialized into a multi-billion dollar business. Somehow the simplicity of lighting that candle is reminding me what Christmas is really about! God on a redemptive mission.

Emmanuel - God with us. Jesus coming into our world. Living as a man. Struggling with all the same stuff we do. In order to pay a ransom we couldn't pay. Every day a day closer to our redemption. How exciting is that?

He is the ultimate Christmas gift. The riches of God given to man. It costs us nothing and yet it cost Him everything.

The irony is not lost on me. We turn this time of year into a harried mess - stressing ourselves to the max to spend more and enjoy less while a very poor and very pregnant Mary journeyed one day at a time on a donkey to give birth to her firstborn child in a manger. No family. No friends. No midwife. No comforts. And yet - God was in her.

My prayer for us this special time of the year is that we would take one day at a time and savor it to the full. God is present in this day. And this day is the only day in which He comes to you.

COME, Emmanuel!

When It's Hard to Give Thanks

It is easy to give thanks when you stop and truly meditate on what you have and not what you don't have. But what do you do when the what-you-don't-have is a person? Or worse yet, people? If age teaches you anything, it teaches you that things can be replaced. People cannot.

I look around me and so many people are hurting. So much has been lost in the last six years....not just for me.....for nearly everyone has been touched by the economy, by death, by disease, by disheartenment, by discouragement. Sometimes I literally believe I can feel the weight on my chest of those for whom I pray. It makes me ache.

And yet.....God is good. Always. He is not put out by the weakness of our economy OR our faith. He is firmly seated on the throne and He is not anxious or afraid. He has a plan and it is being accomplished in His way and in His timing. And we, His beloved; are just as firmly held in His hand. His wing of protection arched tenderly over and around us. Not a thing comes to us that He hasn't allowed...and it is for our good and His glory.

That is how we give thanks always. In the knowing. Faith is knowing what we don't see. Faith is knowing Him. That has been my determined purpose for many years. And when the ravages of grief threatened to overwhelm me, when the enemy tried to steal my sanity and my hope, it was the knowing Him that was my salvation.

So when it's hard to give thanks, give thanks for Him. For the One who sits on the throne and never makes a mistake. For the One who promises to bring good from all this mess around us. For the One who sees the ending that you and I can't yet see but know will be more wonderful than we can imagine.

That is why He told us to give thanks in everything. Not because everything is good but because He is always worthy of our thanks. And because our souls respond to gratitude. They are lifted from the murky shadows of this world to the light of His presence when we intentionally voice our thanks. Thanks for a God who allows His children to hurt for a season so they can be victorious for eternity.

All of that will more than compensate for all of this. It's a promise and I know the Promise-Giver.

When it's hard to give thanks, do it anyway. You will have to be intentional. You may begin grudgingly...but do it, my friend. Do it. It will transform you. It will defeat the enemy who has tried to blindfold you to the deep and abiding love God has for you as well as the purposes He is accomplishing in you. And you will find thankfulness to be self-fulfilling. As you give thanks, you will become thankful. And it will be a real thankfulness...not a thankfulness that is shallowly based on what you can touch. A thankfulness that is deeply rooted in those things that cannot be touched. For they are what is real!

".....for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

The Ledger Reunion

I know I've done this before. BUT this year was OUR year. Every nine years it becomes your family's turn to figure out a theme, plan, decorate and put on the Ledger Reunion. This was the first year we were without Mother and we sure missed her! She took care of the 'little' details we never thought about. And she worried so we didn't have to. No kidding. I never worried about stuff until this year and I guess I just had to because she wasn't there to do it.

I think it was Kylie who thought up the Candy Land theme. It was easy to do and bright and colorful. My job was the caterer and getting RSVP's from my family had me pulling my hair out. They are true procrastinators. But my perseverance paid off - we had a great turnout. I think it was just about 100!!! We used Kolache Kitchen in Temple for our food and it was FABULOUS!! We had chicken spaghetti/lasagna, green beans, salad, rolls and then the Ledgers themselves do a dessert contest. More about that later.
Here's my Billy. With his accounting background, he was best suited for handling the money. We charge for the lunch and then we take up a donation for the rent of the building for the next year. We also sold t-shirts - he is modeling it!! Wish I had a picture of the back of it. SO CUTE!!!
Here is a picture of the tables before everyone got there. They were so bright and festive!!! That's a board game runner! Cute, huh? We have some real talent on our side. {wink}
Everybody pitches in. I especially appreciate the In-Laws!! After all they married into this madness. ha This is our Matthew with Kylie putting the last minute touches on the coloring contest table. Oh yes, the kids get into the action. We start them young.
On the left is my cousin, Debbie who won the dessert contest (that's her prize - the cupcake carrier). She made a YUMM-O carrot cake. She wins every year. Or someone in her family does. I've never won. I quit bringing desserts too. I'm not bitter.
Here's the next generation working on their masterpieces. I can't tell you how many pictures of my sweet boys that I have. You can tell by their expressions every year who won and who didn't. I have boys that pout BIG.
Here's my Mother's sweet family. This is really what keeps us keeping on. It's all about family. I know you are going to think we are so weird but we have fun at our reunions. Don't get me wrong because we are a NORMAL family. Everybody gripes and complains about going. Moans. Acts put out. Then we go and my family is working the room!!!! They crack me up.
I had to put this picture up. It makes me smile. Matt's head is shaved. Kylie's baby bump is growing! Brandon has his arm around his wife AND mother and Billy - well, he's just our rock!!! And a really cute one, don't you think? :D

Anyway, thanks for reading this crazy blog post. It will be NINE years before we have to do this again! I will be 66!!!! Sutton will be 8!!!! We started talking about that when we were cleaning up and de-stressing when everyone was gone. It made us all laugh and it was sobering. I'm totally planning to pass on the 'worry gene' to the next generation for our next 'round.'

Here's to family!!! Here's to reunions!!! And here's to the greatest reunion EVER that is to come. A reunion where Memory Tables are a thing forgotten. Where aging will be a moot point. And where we will never have to set up or clean up again! BUT do put in your RSVP - it's free to you. Just say "yes" to Christ!!! He died to grant you entrance!!!

PLAYING HOOKY

Well - did anybody miss me? It's been a while. Truthfully...it's the heat. I truly do NOT like to be hot and this summer has been the summer of record-breaking heat and exceptional drought. Sucked the life right out of me!!! So let's play catch-up.

Have been teaching my little heart out this summer. Led a group of precious women in a study of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts at my house this summer. We had 20 ladies learning how to count it all as grace. We numbered our gifts and found great joy. What a delight those 6 weeks were!

Visited my sweet friends in Paris and my friend, Jan in Odessa. Made a new friend in Evelyn - a fellow sojourner in grief. Deepened my newer friendships in Rockwall.

My Life Group has grown like crazy this summer! I am so excited - we all are. They are the greatest group of ladies. They make everyone feel welcome, they are full of joy, they serve the Lord and our church in over 13 ministries and they love, love, love to learn God's Word. A teacher's dream. :D

Billy and I have traveled a lot and truly delight in this time of our lives. He is a great husband, friend and Dad! I adore him. He's training for the White Rock marathon right now. I think it's crazy but he is happy and so far his knees and hips are holding out! I'm on Weight Watchers. ugh Losing......o h......s o.......s...l...o...w...l...y! But I'm re-learning how to eat and gaining discipline. Not fun but it does eventually pay off. Or it better. I can handle delayed gratification but I want SOME.

Brandon and Kylie are getting closer to being parents again! C-section date is set for December 15 and our little grand-daughter is making her presence known by dancing all over her mother's tummy! Makes us all excited and happy. We're all still pretty shocked that the Kulwicki's are having a GIRL. Have a feeling that my three men are in for a major wrapping around one tiny little finger! Kylie and I are just tickled to add some estrogen to this mix!

Matt shaved his head! This might not matter to most people but considering he was so paranoid of LOSING it, for him to shave it surprised me. He still looks mighty cute to me. Has a perfect head - shape. Says his mother. Anyway...Matt plays on about six soccer teams in the Rockwall area so we get to watch him play a lot and it is so fun for us because we spent a heck of a lot of time doing that in the 90's. He is an awesome athlete!

We are in charge of the Ledger Reunion this year. Happens every nine years and is always a MAJOR PAIN but SO WORTH IT in the end. We have this huge family and this will be the 43rd reunion and our first (to be in charge of ) without our mom! She would be proud that we have persevered. Our theme is Candy Land (the board game) and I will be sure to post pics in a few weeks. That will make me blog sooner! :) We are up to 80 people registered so it should be a good year again.

This red hot summer has just been a reminder that life is all about seasons and this season has been one of rest for us. Just taking life as it comes and enjoying it to the fullest. Too hot to do much but stay in the cool and enjoy one another. Not a bad way to live!

Hope your summer has been a good one. I promise - I have a lot more to say when it's cooler. :D

San Francisco

Billy's company is nationwide so we get to take a lot of business trips to see this beautiful country we are blessed to live in. We recently returned from San Francisco. We had never been here before except for a layover for a plane trip so we tacked on a few days to our business and had a mini-vacation. It was a great decision because we had the most wonderful time. The weather was very windy and the temperature was in the 60's - which we were told is normal for this beautiful city on the bay.This is the Golden Gate bridge which is - orange. Has to be painted every year (and it takes a year to do which makes for good job security) and the orange is to make it very visible to planes and ships.

I actually rode one of these trolley cars - which was VERY crowded.

Here are the 7 Sisters. Seven victorian houses built by the same man. The house that is third from the left is the famous Full House television series house. The house on the far left was recently repainted at a cost of $200,000!!!
This is the entrance to Alcatraz. I found it fascinating. I had no clue about the history of this place. The views of Alcatraz and the views from it were so beautiful. I'm sure it was doubly punishing to be locked up within eye's view of the beauty of San Francisco.
This is Lombard street. Famous for its steepness! I actually walked down this hill. It was crazy because there are houses on either side of this street and they are sitting right on the street. And cars are just lining up to go down it and people are walking up and down the steps CONSTANTLY. I can't imagine living on that.

We also traveled up the mountain to Muir Woods to see the beautiful redwoods. It was almost like a sanctuary in those woods. The trees were like a canopy surrounding you and it made things very quiet and shaded. This is a picture of the sun trying to penetrate the trees. I found it so beautiful.

We returned home in time for Father's Day and this is my sweet husband and father of my precious boys. How I love him, thank God for him and just appreciate so much how he takes care of us. He is a gift. He deserves this wonderful job he has and I sure am grateful he takes me with him!!

Hope you had a wonderful Father's Day and take the time every day to see the wonders of the world we live in! You don't have to go away to do it.

The Rapture, the weather and other news

The rapture was to have occurred last Saturday. It was due while we were to be in church....that would have been cool. My sweet husband woke up that morning and as we were sitting up in bed with our hot coffee and Bibles having our quiet time, said to me, "Well babe, if today is the day, I want you to know it was a great ride with you and I wouldn't have traded it for anything!" How sweet is that? Just blessed my heart so much. I feel the exact same way about him. He is a gift.

But as the Lord would have it - that was the not the day. Didn't really think it would be since I have a feeling we won't have that kind of warning. The Bible is pretty clear that we have all the warning we are going to get. As if earthquakes, wars, riots, natural disasters of all kinds and Jesus Himself saying that no one knows, but to be ready are not enough. But we, being the flesh that we are - just like a little control - as in when, where, how. And God, being the Sovreign that He is, is firmly seated on the throne and He has said all that is to be said on the subject.

But it saddens me a little that I have heard more ridicule and anger directed towards the 'predictor' of the rapture from believers than from the secular world. And I wonder why? Why are we so mean-spirited? Why are we so opposed to someone confronting people with the truth - Jesus is going to return. Life is going to be over as they knew it. Judgement is coming. And for those who do not know Christ, it will be dreadful.

Oh, I know they think it makes us look stupid when it doesn't happen. So what? The cross looks stupid too - if you don't know. It just makes me sad that we are mean. It makes me angry that we can't just say - "No one knows but we need to be ready." Truth is, someone will probably by accident guess correctly! That doesn't take away from the truth of God's word. It doesn't mean they were smarter or more spiritual. It just means eventually it's going to happen.

I don't know. The weather has been VERY different. No country or hemisphere has been neglected. God is making it very clear that no one is exempt from trouble and that we are NOT in control of anything. Financial trouble is hitting the mightiest. Unemployment, inflation and disease are becoming old news. We - the children of God - need to be sensitive to the timing of events and to be pro-active in telling others about the source of our hope. The reason we are not afraid. The certainty that there is more than this life and this world.

If one man's prediction caused one person to ask if there was an escape plan, I am grateful. It was one bite of fruit that brought us to this place in history and God never once took His eye off of the end. We are destined for better than this. Jesus was our rescuer. He was the battle plan sent to redeem us - set us right, return us to a state of excellence. I am just so grateful. So thankful that bite didn't doom us forever.

So...turn your eyes upon Jesus. Be grateful. This world will pass away. We, who know Christ will meet Him in the air.....and so will begin happily ever after. And tell somebody. Perhaps the signs have softened hearts and they will turn. Ask God to help you love enough to tell.

The Sweetest News of All

This was in my Mother's Day gift! A birth announcement - I'm going to be a MiMi again!!! Lots of laughter and tears......lots of joy and fears.

Please pray for Brandon and Kylie and this precious gift from God! It would mean so much to us.

Little Sweet Pea is due on Christmas!!!

Bipolar Texas Weather

I saw this posted on facebook by someone this week and I laughed out loud - our Texas weather HAS truly been bipolar! And I had made a promise to myself that I would post at least once a month. Since April is almost gone, I figured I better get on here.

Truthfully. Spring is difficult for me. Still. I don't like admitting that. Who would have thought that six years later, I would still be bipolar myself in my grief? It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I'm somehow failing God or my calling or even Justin. And yet.....it is my reality.

I swing from faith to sorrow so easily in the spring. I KNOW - and yet my reality is this place called earth where my heart has a gaping hole that only heaven will fill. Spring attests to the reality that following the bleakness of winter there is life and it is abundant and beautiful and crisp and clean. I LOVE that. And yet....it also reminds me of a doorbell one Monday morning and a life forever changed.

The thunderstorms threaten. They are loud. They are dramatic. They leave a mess. And then....there is beauty. For they have watered the earth. They have shaken the weak and dead limbs to prune the landscape. And I see that God is doing that in me.

I have learned that it is out of the darkness and out of the dead that true beauty comes. The seed in the dark soil. The baby from the womb. The sun from the night sky. And a living Savior from a cemetery tomb.

So I apologize for being quiet for a while. The one thing I don't want to do is leave a swath of destruction in my wake like our Texas storms sometimes do! So I go into my quiet place where the one Who bandages my heart, calms my anxious spirit and stills my soul meets with me and reminds me that all is well. That if He knows each sparrow that falls - how much more does He know and minister to me.

It is the morning after the resurrection and I am choosing to live like it is. The joy of Easter extending to the days after.....and after....and after. Until our faith is made sight.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice for us. Thank you for defeating sin and death. Thank you for the promise that is ours because of YOU! Thank you that IN YOU all things are possible.

Asking For Too Little

I was taking a soak in my big bathtub one morning this past week and was just thinking of all kinds of things and talking to the Lord about them. He and I do that a lot. Most of the time I do most of the talking.

We had just come off a business trip in Orlando with a lot of Billy's constituents. I went on a shopping trip with some of the wives and it was a little (ok, a lot) unsettling to try on summer clothes after the winter hibernation. SO......as I was lying there soaking, I began telling the Lord what a great plan it would be for Him to take away my taste for food so that I could be slim. Almost immediately I heard His still, small voice say, "How about I take away your bent for sin so that you can be holy?"

GULP

Not exactly what I had on my mind that morning. As usual I was thinking a lot smaller than He does. His thoughts are definitely higher than my thoughts. I am interested in the here and now. I am interested in what makes me look better and feel better about myself. He is too - just in a LOT bigger way.

Holiness is beautiful.

Holiness is healthy.

Holiness benefits us.

Holiness is eternal.

I need to lose some weight. I need to do it though not for cuter clothes but for my long-term health. The method for losing it will be a discipline in paying attention to what I eat and practicing recording the 'what' and 'how much' food and exercise I daily engage in.

I need to gain holiness. I need to do that for long-term/eternal health. Gaining holiness requires much the same discipline as losing weight. I need to pay attention to what I put in my mind and heart and then begin practicing holy habits.

Both are difficult because in these days. We are accustomed to the quick fix. We drive by and pick up without thought to what we are actually doing. We want it now and we want it supersized or road rage. We have lost the patience required for long term change. Nothing worth having is easy or fast.

So I'm asking for more these days. More of Him. Less of me. If that comes along with a little weight loss - all the better.

"You shall be holy; for I the Lord your God am holy."

WINTER

I just love winter. I justify my feelings because there is such pristine beauty in the snow flakes and how they cover the ground making everything beautiful - white. The picture it paints of purity and holiness. And then again, sometimes I think it's just because I'm so lazy! I love playing in the snow, curling up with a blanket by the fire with soups or stews simmering on the stove and a cup of hot coffee in my hand. I love how the city is forced to slow down because in Texas NO ONE can drive in this stuff. We aren't equipped. Isn't it funny how we complain about our schedules and then we complain more loudly when we are forced to be still? Winter reminds us that the sap runs down and the plants grow dormant. Nature knows there is a time to be still. To allow God to do His work in the secret.

Some of us aren't made to be lazy. My precious husband is a man's man. He loves to do. He has made my life better in a million ways because he is such a provider and do-er. Here he is shoveling off the walkway to our house (which no one used, by the way - because NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE was out in the weather). He felt good about it. I did too because I spent a lot of time going outside to look at the snow and take pictures and it helped me to notice that there were tire tracks across the walkway. I guess some poor soul mistook our front yard for the road. Which is why we don't need to be out and about.
Aren't these trees beautiful? They are standing strong and sturdy allowing the bitter cold to rest on them for a while until the warmth of the sun melts the cold away and new life will begin to stir the sap and before we know it there will be new growth. That's what I am praying for as spring begins to peek at us from around the corner. I want new life. Fresh growth. A mystery arising from my life that is a testimony of roots dug deep.
I am so glad that I took the time to stop on those cold days and record them in picture. To me they are precious reminders that God is on the throne. He is in control. He can stop a city. He can still a heart. He can bring life from death.
Spring is coming. I have some sprucing up to do before it gets here. Some dead things to rake away. Some fertilizer to apply. Some pruning of straggly and unruly ends. The Master Gardener is doing the same thing in me. I intend to cooperate and watch to see the beauty spring will produce.....out of the beauty of the winter.

It All Comes Around

It has been the coolest thing since we moved to Rockwall! Matt plays indoor soccer at the RISE here and so every week, he drops by the house on Sundays and Tuesdays before his games. The boy eats us out of house and home - carbs only. In fact, he is dreadfully distressed that his parents are low-carb-consumers in our old age. His greatest hope is that I will have made some cornbread or some biscuits that are left over. Anyway....that's not what is cool. It was just an observation. I had forgotten how much boys eat.

SO....here's the thing. Tonight Matt was playing and he didn't drop by the house. So I got to his game and dawdled a little in the parking lot because that is the only way my sister and I ever get to talk on the phone - while we are both driving places. She always calls me on Saturday night on her way home from working at Baylor (she is a nursing student) but she has forgotten for the last six months - every Saturday - that we go to Saturday night church. I think all her brain cells are used up on school. But I digress. I called her on the way to Matt's game and so it made me a little late for his game. Well, not really late. I just like to get there early to shoot the bull with the guys. I missed that this Sunday and so I scurried in and went up the stairs to the galley seat and the guys were warming up. I sat still for just a few minutes and then I did it! I stood up and yelled, "Hey Matt! I'm here."

Now thankfully, he and his friends are used to me. He just looked up, rolled his eyes and half-waved. You know that - "is anybody looking?" type wave. It was OK with me though because really I just wanted him to know I was there watching. AND THAT WAS WHEN IT DAWNED ON ME - all those years I sat out in bone-chilling cold watching him play on every kind of field imaginable and he would yell, "Hey Mom!" and wave his little arms at me until I waved back. He just wanted me to know he was out there. To make sure his mom was paying attention.

Isn't that just so sweet? How life goes full circle. Really cracks me up.

It bears making the analogy: we are also on a playing field - the playing field of life. We're in the game - sometimes on the sidelines, sometimes in the heat of the game, sometimes we're practicing hard, sometimes not so hard - but nonetheless earth is the training field for heaven. And each of us - really want to know that God is in the bleachers for us, with us, cheering us on. And the wonder of it is - He is. Our biggest supporter. Our number one fan. Our cheerleader. Our never-failing Father. He doesn't dawdle on the phone. He is never distracted by the other fans. His eye is on you/on me. He never misses our successes and He is never put out by our failures.

Because I have the distinct privilege of being a soccer mom again, I can assure you that it is a delight to watch my child play. And I can assure you that I am intensely biased. My own experience allows me to sense our Father's delight in our lives. I believe He is just as biased TOWARD you and me. And just knowing the joy I find in Matt's game, I smile to think of God's joy in me and you.

Tonight I got caught up in conversation with some of the kids in the galley and missed Matt's score. I do that occasionally. So I just consider it a time delay when I yell, "Way to go, Matt!" Again, he rolls his eyes and later asks, "You weren't watching, were you?" ha He has his mom pegged.

God's eye is ever on you. He knows when a sparrow falls to the ground - how much more value are you to Him? You - His creation. You - the apple of His eye. You - the one He sacrificed His son in order to bring you home. There is no greater love than this. Beloved, He never misses your scores!

It all goes around. From a little boy on the soccer field waving to his mom on the sidelines to the grownup man with his mom waving to him from the sidelines. Life is a circle and life is good.

Starting Behind - Or Am I?

Well here it is already the 12th of January and I have not blogged since about this time in December. My first thought was - "I'm already starting this year behind." Or so you might think IF you happen to check in periodically to even see if I'm posting anything. But as I pondered my apparent lateness and the what-ness of my post, I realized I have not been behind at all. I have been living.

It made me smile to realize that. I have spent a lot of time with my family this holiday season. And it was a lovely time. Not rushed. Not fussy. Good time. The time where you do what you want to do and just enjoy one another. I also spent a lot of time in the Word. Finishing up last year's Bible reading, journaling and Life Group and then beginning again in 2011.

I had a sweet friend come and spend a few days with me while Billy was out of town and I went out of town with him and spent time with other family members in the state of Florida. Lovely. Quiet. Peaceful. Moments. Lived.

So I might have neglected to blog for a while but I have not neglected to live. And really - isn't that more important?

I have spent a lot of time in the valley of the shadows. It was mandatory time. You can't skip grieving and truthfully, I am the better for it.

And even that was living. I know it was because it hurt so badly. You can't live without feeling.

So I just want to say to you - live. Not just a warm body that's breathing. Live with eyes wide open. See God. Be aware. Savor the moments. This is really all we have.

And what I have discovered is that I am happy. Happy with the simple joys of life. Happy to know that the hard things are only temporary. Happy. Right now there is a remnant of snow on the ground and it's really too cold to do anything outside so I just have to sit and read and thank God for all the goodness that is mine. Today.