February: The Love Month

Welcome to the month of Valentine's and all things LOVE. I have learned much about the true meaning of agape love from the man God blessed me to spend my life with. I am humbled to tell you that it is BILLY far more than Sherrie who practices and models the love of the Father in our house.

I grew up the eldest of three children and I don't know about all the stuff of birth order, but I was certainly the overachiever, always aiming to please firstborn. My parents were normal parents who loved us and praised us and for some reason - I, above the other two thrived on that praise. I constantly strived to "do" in order to hear those words of affirmation and that affirmation spelled LOVE to me. And while that made me a GREAT daughter, it also made for a girl who spelled LOVE - CONDITIONAL. It was all about my doing. My achieving. My effort. My grades. My popularity. In other words, it was all about me. And ME had to DO.

Along came a young man that I fell madly in love with. I was only 18 but those conditions of love were well engrained in my psyche. I hid my ugliness from him. I didn't tell him what was really going on in that young and messed up heart until one day I let something slip. Don't even remember what it was.....but he loved me anyway. I TOTALLY remember that.

Slowly, as he won my trust, I began to be the real Sherrie. Lo and behold......he loved her. I hope this makes sense to someone. I hope it helps someone. My parents never meant to make me so dependent. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't even my fault. For some reason I took normal praise and developed an inordinate craving for it. And I was the one that equated it with love.

That's the problem with seeking the praise of man. It will always be dependent on what man thinks and what you do. And man is a fickle master. He is never satisfied. It will begin an endless and unquenchable cycle that will circle the pit until you are sucked deep into a vacuum of never feeling good enough. That is no way to live.

On our cruise this past week, we got separated for a few hours. I knew I needed to just sit somewhere and be still and wait. I knew he would be frantically looking all over the ship. Sure enough, I saw his bright orange shirt and he came - sweating and worried - and sat down beside me. Before he could say a word I looked at him and said, "I knew you would find me." And we just leaned into each other.

It is a picture of the God's love for us. Sometimes we get so lost. Sometimes we make such a mess of things. Sit still, beloved because He knows right where you are. Be still and look up. Say into His precious face, "I knew you would find me." Affirm His love for you.

The love of God is a love that is dependent on Him and His nature. He just loves. It has nothing to do with us. What we do. How we act. He loves us period and He passionately pursues us.

If that has never been modeled for you, if you have never experienced that kind of love on planet earth, my prayer for you is that you would accept it and believe it of your heavenly Father. Rest in that. Don't be afraid to tell Him your deepest and darkest secrets. He knows them anyway and has been longing to hear them from you so you would be free. As we bring those 'secrets' out of the darkness and into the light, He shows us that they have no power to separate us from His love.

Thank you my sweet husband......for loving me so, so well these 38+ years. You are a gift to me.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor power, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

I know I have been a little remiss in writing but let me introduce you to the most WONDERFUL diversion EVER!!! Miss Sutton Lynne Kulwicki rocked; ahem, I mean entered our world at 11:01 am on December 15, 2011 weighing 8 lbs 7 oz and measuring 20 inches. She is adorable, don't you think?

Mimi got to spend a few nights here and there helping the new parents; ahem, Mom, adapt to newborn feeding and sleeping schedules. In Brandon's defense, Kylie is nursing and he can't do a lot to help with that! I discovered that sleep deprivation looks much better on moms than Mimi's!!

Her first outing was to Mimi's and Pop's for Christmas - if you don't count her pediatrician. I don't. Again, isn't she cute? She was a great Christmas present.

And of course, we are delighted to see what 2012 has to offer now that a baby has entered our world. And a girl at that. Goodness, they have cute clothes. I really wasn't aware. But I am now and I'm loving it!!

So from our family to yours, have a wonderful 2012. Make sure Jesus is at the center of it. He is the giver of all good things. We love you!!

Come, Emmanuel!

We are moving a candle - and Mary - nearer and nearer to the much-anticipated day when we celebrate the birth of Christ. This is the first year we have actually had an advent candle in our home and I wish we had done it long ago. There is something very anticipatory about lighting that candle and moving the donkey - with its precious cargo - closer to the day we have commercialized into a multi-billion dollar business. Somehow the simplicity of lighting that candle is reminding me what Christmas is really about! God on a redemptive mission.

Emmanuel - God with us. Jesus coming into our world. Living as a man. Struggling with all the same stuff we do. In order to pay a ransom we couldn't pay. Every day a day closer to our redemption. How exciting is that?

He is the ultimate Christmas gift. The riches of God given to man. It costs us nothing and yet it cost Him everything.

The irony is not lost on me. We turn this time of year into a harried mess - stressing ourselves to the max to spend more and enjoy less while a very poor and very pregnant Mary journeyed one day at a time on a donkey to give birth to her firstborn child in a manger. No family. No friends. No midwife. No comforts. And yet - God was in her.

My prayer for us this special time of the year is that we would take one day at a time and savor it to the full. God is present in this day. And this day is the only day in which He comes to you.

COME, Emmanuel!

When It's Hard to Give Thanks

It is easy to give thanks when you stop and truly meditate on what you have and not what you don't have. But what do you do when the what-you-don't-have is a person? Or worse yet, people? If age teaches you anything, it teaches you that things can be replaced. People cannot.

I look around me and so many people are hurting. So much has been lost in the last six years....not just for me.....for nearly everyone has been touched by the economy, by death, by disease, by disheartenment, by discouragement. Sometimes I literally believe I can feel the weight on my chest of those for whom I pray. It makes me ache.

And yet.....God is good. Always. He is not put out by the weakness of our economy OR our faith. He is firmly seated on the throne and He is not anxious or afraid. He has a plan and it is being accomplished in His way and in His timing. And we, His beloved; are just as firmly held in His hand. His wing of protection arched tenderly over and around us. Not a thing comes to us that He hasn't allowed...and it is for our good and His glory.

That is how we give thanks always. In the knowing. Faith is knowing what we don't see. Faith is knowing Him. That has been my determined purpose for many years. And when the ravages of grief threatened to overwhelm me, when the enemy tried to steal my sanity and my hope, it was the knowing Him that was my salvation.

So when it's hard to give thanks, give thanks for Him. For the One who sits on the throne and never makes a mistake. For the One who promises to bring good from all this mess around us. For the One who sees the ending that you and I can't yet see but know will be more wonderful than we can imagine.

That is why He told us to give thanks in everything. Not because everything is good but because He is always worthy of our thanks. And because our souls respond to gratitude. They are lifted from the murky shadows of this world to the light of His presence when we intentionally voice our thanks. Thanks for a God who allows His children to hurt for a season so they can be victorious for eternity.

All of that will more than compensate for all of this. It's a promise and I know the Promise-Giver.

When it's hard to give thanks, do it anyway. You will have to be intentional. You may begin grudgingly...but do it, my friend. Do it. It will transform you. It will defeat the enemy who has tried to blindfold you to the deep and abiding love God has for you as well as the purposes He is accomplishing in you. And you will find thankfulness to be self-fulfilling. As you give thanks, you will become thankful. And it will be a real thankfulness...not a thankfulness that is shallowly based on what you can touch. A thankfulness that is deeply rooted in those things that cannot be touched. For they are what is real!

".....for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

The Ledger Reunion

I know I've done this before. BUT this year was OUR year. Every nine years it becomes your family's turn to figure out a theme, plan, decorate and put on the Ledger Reunion. This was the first year we were without Mother and we sure missed her! She took care of the 'little' details we never thought about. And she worried so we didn't have to. No kidding. I never worried about stuff until this year and I guess I just had to because she wasn't there to do it.

I think it was Kylie who thought up the Candy Land theme. It was easy to do and bright and colorful. My job was the caterer and getting RSVP's from my family had me pulling my hair out. They are true procrastinators. But my perseverance paid off - we had a great turnout. I think it was just about 100!!! We used Kolache Kitchen in Temple for our food and it was FABULOUS!! We had chicken spaghetti/lasagna, green beans, salad, rolls and then the Ledgers themselves do a dessert contest. More about that later.
Here's my Billy. With his accounting background, he was best suited for handling the money. We charge for the lunch and then we take up a donation for the rent of the building for the next year. We also sold t-shirts - he is modeling it!! Wish I had a picture of the back of it. SO CUTE!!!
Here is a picture of the tables before everyone got there. They were so bright and festive!!! That's a board game runner! Cute, huh? We have some real talent on our side. {wink}
Everybody pitches in. I especially appreciate the In-Laws!! After all they married into this madness. ha This is our Matthew with Kylie putting the last minute touches on the coloring contest table. Oh yes, the kids get into the action. We start them young.
On the left is my cousin, Debbie who won the dessert contest (that's her prize - the cupcake carrier). She made a YUMM-O carrot cake. She wins every year. Or someone in her family does. I've never won. I quit bringing desserts too. I'm not bitter.
Here's the next generation working on their masterpieces. I can't tell you how many pictures of my sweet boys that I have. You can tell by their expressions every year who won and who didn't. I have boys that pout BIG.
Here's my Mother's sweet family. This is really what keeps us keeping on. It's all about family. I know you are going to think we are so weird but we have fun at our reunions. Don't get me wrong because we are a NORMAL family. Everybody gripes and complains about going. Moans. Acts put out. Then we go and my family is working the room!!!! They crack me up.
I had to put this picture up. It makes me smile. Matt's head is shaved. Kylie's baby bump is growing! Brandon has his arm around his wife AND mother and Billy - well, he's just our rock!!! And a really cute one, don't you think? :D

Anyway, thanks for reading this crazy blog post. It will be NINE years before we have to do this again! I will be 66!!!! Sutton will be 8!!!! We started talking about that when we were cleaning up and de-stressing when everyone was gone. It made us all laugh and it was sobering. I'm totally planning to pass on the 'worry gene' to the next generation for our next 'round.'

Here's to family!!! Here's to reunions!!! And here's to the greatest reunion EVER that is to come. A reunion where Memory Tables are a thing forgotten. Where aging will be a moot point. And where we will never have to set up or clean up again! BUT do put in your RSVP - it's free to you. Just say "yes" to Christ!!! He died to grant you entrance!!!

PLAYING HOOKY

Well - did anybody miss me? It's been a while. Truthfully...it's the heat. I truly do NOT like to be hot and this summer has been the summer of record-breaking heat and exceptional drought. Sucked the life right out of me!!! So let's play catch-up.

Have been teaching my little heart out this summer. Led a group of precious women in a study of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts at my house this summer. We had 20 ladies learning how to count it all as grace. We numbered our gifts and found great joy. What a delight those 6 weeks were!

Visited my sweet friends in Paris and my friend, Jan in Odessa. Made a new friend in Evelyn - a fellow sojourner in grief. Deepened my newer friendships in Rockwall.

My Life Group has grown like crazy this summer! I am so excited - we all are. They are the greatest group of ladies. They make everyone feel welcome, they are full of joy, they serve the Lord and our church in over 13 ministries and they love, love, love to learn God's Word. A teacher's dream. :D

Billy and I have traveled a lot and truly delight in this time of our lives. He is a great husband, friend and Dad! I adore him. He's training for the White Rock marathon right now. I think it's crazy but he is happy and so far his knees and hips are holding out! I'm on Weight Watchers. ugh Losing......o h......s o.......s...l...o...w...l...y! But I'm re-learning how to eat and gaining discipline. Not fun but it does eventually pay off. Or it better. I can handle delayed gratification but I want SOME.

Brandon and Kylie are getting closer to being parents again! C-section date is set for December 15 and our little grand-daughter is making her presence known by dancing all over her mother's tummy! Makes us all excited and happy. We're all still pretty shocked that the Kulwicki's are having a GIRL. Have a feeling that my three men are in for a major wrapping around one tiny little finger! Kylie and I are just tickled to add some estrogen to this mix!

Matt shaved his head! This might not matter to most people but considering he was so paranoid of LOSING it, for him to shave it surprised me. He still looks mighty cute to me. Has a perfect head - shape. Says his mother. Anyway...Matt plays on about six soccer teams in the Rockwall area so we get to watch him play a lot and it is so fun for us because we spent a heck of a lot of time doing that in the 90's. He is an awesome athlete!

We are in charge of the Ledger Reunion this year. Happens every nine years and is always a MAJOR PAIN but SO WORTH IT in the end. We have this huge family and this will be the 43rd reunion and our first (to be in charge of ) without our mom! She would be proud that we have persevered. Our theme is Candy Land (the board game) and I will be sure to post pics in a few weeks. That will make me blog sooner! :) We are up to 80 people registered so it should be a good year again.

This red hot summer has just been a reminder that life is all about seasons and this season has been one of rest for us. Just taking life as it comes and enjoying it to the fullest. Too hot to do much but stay in the cool and enjoy one another. Not a bad way to live!

Hope your summer has been a good one. I promise - I have a lot more to say when it's cooler. :D

San Francisco

Billy's company is nationwide so we get to take a lot of business trips to see this beautiful country we are blessed to live in. We recently returned from San Francisco. We had never been here before except for a layover for a plane trip so we tacked on a few days to our business and had a mini-vacation. It was a great decision because we had the most wonderful time. The weather was very windy and the temperature was in the 60's - which we were told is normal for this beautiful city on the bay.This is the Golden Gate bridge which is - orange. Has to be painted every year (and it takes a year to do which makes for good job security) and the orange is to make it very visible to planes and ships.

I actually rode one of these trolley cars - which was VERY crowded.

Here are the 7 Sisters. Seven victorian houses built by the same man. The house that is third from the left is the famous Full House television series house. The house on the far left was recently repainted at a cost of $200,000!!!
This is the entrance to Alcatraz. I found it fascinating. I had no clue about the history of this place. The views of Alcatraz and the views from it were so beautiful. I'm sure it was doubly punishing to be locked up within eye's view of the beauty of San Francisco.
This is Lombard street. Famous for its steepness! I actually walked down this hill. It was crazy because there are houses on either side of this street and they are sitting right on the street. And cars are just lining up to go down it and people are walking up and down the steps CONSTANTLY. I can't imagine living on that.

We also traveled up the mountain to Muir Woods to see the beautiful redwoods. It was almost like a sanctuary in those woods. The trees were like a canopy surrounding you and it made things very quiet and shaded. This is a picture of the sun trying to penetrate the trees. I found it so beautiful.

We returned home in time for Father's Day and this is my sweet husband and father of my precious boys. How I love him, thank God for him and just appreciate so much how he takes care of us. He is a gift. He deserves this wonderful job he has and I sure am grateful he takes me with him!!

Hope you had a wonderful Father's Day and take the time every day to see the wonders of the world we live in! You don't have to go away to do it.