When we don't lie, we get to go to iHop

Our Sutton girl comes to Mimi and Pops on Fridays.  We call it Fabulous Friday.  We just chill; ahem, do whatever she wants.  :D

Without a hitch our breakfast of choice is iHop.  It's our go-to place where girlfriend gets her some pancakes and she and her Pops practice 'coloring in the lines.'

She is absolutely precious and practically perfect in every way except for one little flaw.....she's been telling 'lies.'  We have never experienced this fall from grace in her behavior.  We have only her parents' word on this.  But it seems sweet thing has decided a good way to stay up past bedtime is to tell Mommy she has to go to the potty.  Personally, we think it's brilliant.  BUT her parents are not amused.  And to our great dismay, she pulled this stunt on a Thursday night.  And her punishment?  Wait for it.......

NO iHOP

She threw a fit.  It was quite the Oscar winning performance.  The tears were huge.  Pops and I held it in.  But truth be told - everybody got punished.

Isn't that just the way sin is?  It doesn't just affect one.  You were just wanting to have a good time.  (Or stay up a little later.)  You really didn't think it was a big deal.  But somebody bigger and with more authority laid down the law.  And suddenly what seemed like a good idea hurts.  And that hurt hurts others.

It's a little like Pops teaching her to color in the lines.  It takes a lot of practice and some motor skill maturity to color in the lines.  We don't start out knowing how to do it.  We have to make mistakes and all too often our attempts aren't very pretty at first.  But slowly and surely - after much practice, progress is made.  And because we love her so very much we make a huge deal out of her growth and accomplishments.  We encourage.  We applaud.  We high five.  We buy ice cream.  

And out of scribbles and hen-scratchings, beauty emerges.  Grace.

Just like us.  Little children - coloring outside the lines.  Making messes out of our lives.  Having to re-do and hurting ourselves and others along the way.  And then slowly but surely we begin to grow.  We begin to recognize that those 'lines' make for beauty in our lives.  They are meant for good.  For our perfection.

Last night Sutton called her mommy and told her she had to go potty.  And she did.  She looked with joy at her Mommy and said, "When we don't lie, we get to go to iHop."  

That's what happens when we obey the Lord.  We are joy-filled.  And life is a lot less difficult.  

Where did the time go and where is fall?

Well, I honestly meant to blog last month.  Where did September go?  We did go on a little vacation to HAWAII.  Not bragging.  We're 60 this year and it was our first time.  We did NOTHING.  People, I'm telling you - we laid out.  Ate.  Laid out.  Ate.  Billy played golf.   I drove the golf cart.  We laid out. We ate.  You young people reading this are thinking, "what a waste of a trip in such a beautiful place for those old people."  You may be right.  Truth though, we slow down and life speeds up.  We enjoyed the beauty.  We enjoyed each other.  We enjoyed the diversity.  We enjoyed flying first class, non-stop, round-trip on POINTS!!!  {It may have been my favorite part.}  

We arrived back home and it was cool.  I was in heaven.  Threw the clothes in the washer, opened the windows, threw on a pot of taco soup and grabbed a throw and took a nap.  Fall had arrived.  For 12 hours.  It was a dirty trick.  

It's now almost the middle of October and it was 93 today.  I went to the State Fair twice and it was above 90 both times.  I mean - who wants a corny dog when it's 90?  I keep looking for fall.  I listen to the weathermen faithfully; longing to hear those magical words to every Texan - "cold front."  So far, it has been in vain.

But I've noticed something as I've been waiting.  The activity in my backyard has been in a wild crescendo.  The birds and the squirrels are exceedingly busy.  They sense winter coming and they are busy getting ready.  90 degrees means nothing to them.  They know what I tend to forget - what I see and feel isn't reality.  Just as sure as the sun will rise in the east and set in the west so the seasons will change.  The tired, dry and hot summer days will come to an end.  A northern wind will descend upon us and put a crispness in the air and a spring in our steps.  The leaves will change and for a short span of time there will be a beautiful fiery radiance upon the world.

I love the change in the seasons.  But I often don't appreciate them so much in my own life.  I enjoy the spring when things are beautiful and growing and people are happy and we're all looking forward to vacation.  But life isn't all beauty and spiritual growth doesn't happen in the spring.  Oftentimes it is in the hot, dry, dying days of summer that we experience the deepest growth.  When we have to dig our roots down deep into the soil searching for the springs of water that flow from the Throne of God.

We had a bad Texas storm last week and our new house has a LOT of BIG trees.  It got really dark outside.  Really dark.  Suddenly the wind roared in and I noticed a strange thing.  These big old trees didn't move.  Oh, the tops did.  But these big trees had been around a long time.  Their roots were down so deep and far that that storm only rattled the tops.

That is what the seasons are intended to do to us.  Cause us to flourish where we are and to always, always draw down deep.  Pull from the Living Water.  Then when the storms come - with all their fiery display of darkness, lightening and roaring winds - we may waver a little.  We may sway.  But we will not be moved.

Pray.  Seek His face.  Read His word.  Spend time with Him.  Tell Him everything.  Talk to Him all the time.  Even when you're mad/sad/frustrated/seeking.  Especially then.  He became us so He knows we have a million questions and not many answers.  He knows we are limited by what we can see.  And He calls us to stretch beyond that.  To believe.  To faith.  He's never missed a season.  He won't in you either.  

Fall is coming.  Prepare.

Back to the Blog

I quit blogging a while back when I thought I had things a tad more figured out.  I was teaching a life group at my home church, Lakepointe and they wanted me to blog every other week on the class website.  I thought God was through with me on the 'retreat' cycle and was going to hunker down and minister locally through my church.  Lo and behold after 20 months, He moved us to Dallas - FAST!  You can't figure God out.  He is mysterious and beautiful with plans that are too high and too lofty for us to know.  So now, at this stage of the game - with no home church (we are looking!) - and retreat opportunities opening up again, I decided to recharge the blog.

I have been looking at all the precious little children starting back to school on my facebook feed.  The last two days have been so fun and really all I noticed were the smiles and new clothes and how much they had all grown.   I thought about how old this was making me - smile.  But today I remembered something.  That tight-chested, hard-to-breathe feeling that came from letting my babies out of my car/care into that building.  That out-of-control fear that threatened to cause me to yank them back into the car by the hair on their heads and speed off to some deserted island and raise them in a monastery.  Of course, I never did and I somehow survived.  

I distinctly remember having a godly older woman (she was probably younger than me!!) come to my house and listen to me bawl my eyes out when Brandon went to college and I lamented to her, "How did you survive this?  Will I ever be alright?"  She (this is the honest truth) looked me straight in the eye and said, "Well, I guess so because I'm here."  Had I not been in the throes of a major meltdown I might have throttled her - I mean, laughed.

Anyway, all this to say.......LIFE.  It keeps moving.  Things change.  People grow.  They change. They adapt.  Or should I say - WE.  

All to often we look at 'those' children.  'Those' new clothes.  'Those' experiences and forget 'they' are 'we.'  We have our own journey.  Our own experiences.  Our own movement forward. And we all have those moments of paralyzing fear, dramatic despair or mountaintop highs.  None of them last.   

So I pray this is an encouragement to you today.  Don't let wherever you are today determine your destination.  You are on a great journey and you only see a part of it.  There is a passage of Ps. 139 that has been a lifesaver on many an occasion to me.  It says this:

"Even the darkness is not dark to Thee."

Wherever you are today - God sees.  It's not dark to Him.  So what do you do when you can't see and someone else can?  You just hold on.  Beloved, He has you.  Don't worry about what you need to do or say or where you need to step.  Just hold out your hand.  Do it now.  He sees.   He loves you.  He has a plan for your life that is for good.  

Trust Him.  He has you.  It's not dark to Him.  Let Him be God.  Be like those little children on facebook.  They too have no clue what this school year holds for them.  What their teachers will be like.  But look at their little faces - full of hope and trust and expectancy.  Let them be our examples.

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven."  Jesus

Life is a Gift

“If you don’t take it all as gift, you end up taking it all for granted — which amounts to not taking anything good from life at all.”   

Ann Voskamp

Death taught me this.  Six precious lives in five years instantly slipped from this world to the next.  Two of them right before my eyes.  The horror of death.  The ugliness.  Don’t let anyone tell you that death is beautiful.  I saw LIFE leave my parents and it did not look pretty.  I saw my son’s shell returned to me in a coffin and it was “Ichabod” – the glory had departed.  And yet……

The very ‘living’ of these experiences taught me – albeit it took me many years of hard grieving and intense wrestling with God – that it is all a gift.  All of life.  That God is God and He is good – whether I am comfortable or not.  Happy or not. 

It took experience.  It took suffering.   Yes, suffering to learn to fully appreciate life.

And now we have Sutton.  We have been granted a little respite in our suffering.  I have no doubt we are NOT through suffering on this planet.  God’s word is quite plain on that subject.  “Count it all as joy, my brethren when you experience trials.”  We’re not done.  You aren’t either.  But we have Sutton.  And we have experience.   And we have today. 

We have lived long enough to know joy does not last forever so suck every moment of it up.  Breathe in the fresh morning air.  Savor the first cup of coffee.  Gaze into the sky and KNOW that your Redemption draweth nigh.

He is God.

            He is alive and on the throne.

                        He never makes a mistake.

                                    He has you.

We are seeing life through the eyes of a child again.  We are re-learning life.  That a hug cures most everything.  That the arms of Abba make the world right and safe and secure.  That there is wonder all around.  That naps and snacks and allowing someone to carry you make the journey much more enjoyable.

And one day – by God’s will and grace Sutton will grow up and live her own life and she will only have her memories of a Pops and Mimi who did their best to teach her that life is all about joy and sorrow, love and loss, and grace.  Remarkable God-giving, life-breathing grace.  We will remind her that nothing in this life is forever except Him so take nothing for granted.  The One who gives and takes away.  And we will teach her to say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  

Resurrection Reminder

Before the resurrection there was a crucifixion.  Before there was joy there was great pain.  Before there was hope there was abject despair. 

I found my mind going to the homes of Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (Matthew 28: 1-8).  The last to leave the scene of the cross, they would not go home to fulfill the law’s requirements for the Sabbath until they had seen His body placed in the tomb.

I can only imagine the sleepless night they would endure.  The tears.  The grief.  The pain.  And somewhere in the night they would make the decision to ‘do’ something.  They couldn’t bring Him back.  They couldn’t stand against Rome or the Sanhedrin but they could take care of His body. 

And sometime in the early morning hours they began to pack their basket with the things they would need.   Soap and linens to cleanse His body.  A comb for His hair.  Perhaps a needle and thread to attempt to repair His wounds.  A clean tunic.  Oil and spices to anoint Him.  And then they would wrap themselves in black to begin the long walk up the hill to Him.

I imagine the journey seemed so long.  So arduous.  Grief saps your energy.  Sorrow breaks the spirit.   Their baskets must have been heavy on their arms.  Their conversation hushed and hopeless as they imagined the scene they would face and the job that was ahead.

But what they didn’t know.  What they couldn’t see…..was God holding back an angel who was given the order to bring them good news.  I can picture that angel SO ready to go and God saying, “Wait.  Just a minute.  Let them get up the hill and around the bend.”  And “Now.”  Stretch your imagination for just a minute as that angel shoots to earth and rolls away the stone and sits on it!  (Matthew 28: 2)  The scripture says it was an earthquake – I just kind of picture a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier to get there!  Can you see him?  Sitting on the stone – like, “what’s the big deal?”  It makes me laugh.  He seems like a cocky angel to me!  And he says, “He is not here!  He is risen as He said.” 

I was reminded that as sweet as their motives – they went to a lot of work to do something that didn’t need to be done.  If they had only listened and believed their steps would have been light to the tomb that morning.  There would have been no baskets.  No heavy loads.  Because they weren’t needed!  So often we do the same thing.  Plan.  Pack.  Carry……loads that are not necessary.  

Easter is the reminder to listen.  To believe Him.  To remember that what we see is not all there is.  Because He lives we can face tomorrow.  Because He lives all fear is gone.  Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives.  

Treasure Seeking

In the summer of 1985, a joint operation was launched between a French oceanographic team and an American team which left from Woods Hole in Massachusetts.  It was led by Dr. Robert Ballard.  The crew spent over three weeks scanning the area known as Titanic Canyon. On Sunday September 1st, 1985 just before 1am, scientist, Stu Harris got what we now know to be the first glimpse of Titanic for 73 years. In his book “The Discovery of the Titanic” Ballard writes, “Stu’s eyes were fixed to the Argo monitor. There’s something, he said as he pointed at the TV screen. Suddenly every member of the sleepy watch became alive and alert.”

What looked like a boiler was cross checked against the 1911 photographs of Titanic’s boilers at Harland and Wolff.  As a tribute to the shipyard which had built Titanic, Ballard raised the Harland and Wolff flag on the team’s vessel and a memorial service was held for those who had died there 73 years earlier.

Can you imagine the excitement as the crew began their journey to the area they suspected to have been the resting place of the Titanic?   Their optimism and anticipation of being the ones to actually find her in her 73 year secret cemetary?  Billions of dollars were spent on discovering this watery gravesite - with no lives to save, no possibility of raising the ship.  Just the thrill of the hunt.  The satisfaction of being 'the one' to find it.

Does that remind you of our quest for Christ?  He is our treasure.  The storehouse of precious things that is our privilege to seek out.  Are we as radically driven as these scientists and modern-day treasure hunters?

Did you catch their response when they finally knew they had come upon her?  As a tribute to the shipyard that built Titanic they raised the flag and as a tribute to the lives that were lost they held a memorial service.  That is a picture of what it means to pay honor and tribute; to give respect.  That is also the definition of worship.

When we encounter Christ, it behooves us to pause.  To lift up a banner of praise.  To worship.  I find it touching that a group of sailors and scientists would stop in their excitement of the discovery to pay respect to the shipbuilders, ship and people who lost so much so many years ago.  Yet we, the children of the Almighty God encounter Him and it scarcely moves us.

The bounty from the Titanic was the lifting of 5500 artifacts from 1987 - 2004.  That's a lot of stuff!  I recently visited a traveling museum of the Titanic and got to view some of those treasures.  Dishes marked with the RMS Titanic.  Corroded and water damaged leather goods - wallets, purses, gloves.  There were even some perfume samples that survived their watery grave to be placed on a traveling exhibit.

In Christ we have an eternity to explore the depths of Him and never reach the end of the precious riches He has for us.  I feel a stirring in my spirit to be a treasure seeker.  How about you?

Lord, you know I need a brand new start!

I love change.  Especially if it's one I get to choose.  Control.  It's an issue with me.  How about you?  Rearranging my furniture.  Adding a new touch of this or that.  Changing colors.  New hairstyle......heck even a new toenail polish is refreshing for a little while.   When a new year begins I start a new journal and a new plan for reading through the Bible in a year.  

This year I chose to do the chronological Read Through the Bible in the New Living Translation.  I've been doing this for about 15 years now and I've discovered a few things.  You need to change things up to stay fresh.  I've done OT/NT/Proverbs/Psalm; Study Bibles (best done if you're not journaling too), chronological, straight through from Genesis to Revelation and then last year I started with the NT and finished up yesterday in Malachi.  Now the bad news is this:  I finished with Jesus in about March and I won't get to Him again until about September.  That's a long time without Jesus!!!!  The good thing is I have to purpose to find Him throughout all those OT books!  Just like we have to purpose to find Him in this day in-day out life that we are living.

I also chose for my journal to do My Utmost for His Highest.  I have done this many times over the years but it's still my go-to devotional journal for its depth and passion.  And as usual Oswald spoke to me again from day one.

Crisp new pages.  New bookmarks.  New highlighters.  New year.

But what all these things really mean to me are a new me.  

Lord, I need a new brand new start!  Over the last nearly eight years since tragedy so ravaged our family I have lost so much passion and crispness in my walk with the Lord.  I'm just going to be honest with you.  I have spent a lot of years being resigned.  

     Resigned to 'this' being my lot in life.
          Resigned to 'God will have His way' - why ____________?
               Resigned to a life of fear - 'it' happened to me, it could again.
                    Resigned to holding back.

And just about the time my heart seems ready to burst into abandon "I am yours God.  Take me and use me to Your glory," my old familar friend, fear's tentacles tighten and the enemy whispers, "You said that once before and look what happened!"  

To be honest - this kind of living - as normal as it might be for all I've lived through is not glorifying to the Lord.  Oswald Chambers - just this morning - day one - said that living a life without courage is shameful.  And that's what my life has been like - courage-less!  I've been afraid to be abandoned to the Lord.  

Now don't get me wrong.  God is gracious and merciful.  He understands my flesh.  My fear.  My need to have time to grieve, to work through, to heal.  He knows me and loves me.  I am not being too hard on myself.  I am just saying....there is a time for all things under heaven.  And my time has come to 'start over.' 

How about you?  A new year is a good time for a new you.  It doesn't take loss of loved ones to make you afraid to fully live.  To lack courage.  There are a lot of losses out there - relationships, marriages, financial, health......and with each hit our courage usually takes a hit.   So Lord, we need a brand new start.  A do-over.  A make-over.  A dose of courage for this new year.

We don't know what it holds.  But we know Who holds it.   

In my mind I picture myself at the start of a path - a path which is only visible right in front of my face.  I don't see the curves - or straight.  The plains - or the mountains.  The shadows - or the sunshine.  The giving of gifts - or the removal of them.  I do see little old me with a shaky hand reaching up for my Abba Father's hand.  He who sees the end from the beginning.  He who IS the light where darkness may threaten.  He has me.  His hand infuses courage.  

And we start out.  

Won't you go with us?  A fresh start.  As weak and shaky as we may be.  He is our courage.

Bring it 2013.  Our God is able and He has my hand.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed 2013

From the Kulwicki family to you:  Wishing you and yours the most blessed of all Christmases.  May Christ's presence be yours.  May the joy of friends and family surround you.  May your health be good.  And may 2013 exceed your greatest expectations.  

All because of Emmanuel, God with us!

BEAUTIFUL

I love seasons. Perhaps it is because I am easily bored that I revel whenever a new season comes. Sometimes I think about the possibility of a world without seasons and think how monotonous that would be. God could have done that and we would have never known the difference. Yet in His wisdom and creativity, He blessed us with the starkness of winter that gives forth to the beauty of spring.

That is a picture of one of my mother's irises. I moved bulbs from her yard to mine right before she relocated to heaven. Every year without fail they produce these beautiful purple blooms for me to remember her and her love for flowers. To remember the things she liked to do and how happy the simple things made her. I want to be like that. Happy with the simple things.

These cone flowers were also in her yard. My stepdad, Shelby was a gardener. He could make anything grow and he packaged these up for me from little seeds and told me how to care for them. I remember him as they grow and spread each year.

It's amazing to me how God created these beautiful flowers and if you look closely at the center of them you will see they are filled with little seeds that fall to the ground and reproduce. That is what the believer's life should resemble. Beauty that reproduces itself to grow new believers. I so love that about the Lord. How He uses physical truths to teach us spiritual realities.

But nature untamed can be ugly. I have to frequently nurture those flowers by cutting off the dead and scraggly stems. My life needs the same care. There are things in me that I don't like. Things that are NOT beautiful and I pray that I am as ruthless with the pruning on myself as I am with these flowers.

This is the most beautiful of flowers that entered our world 3 1/2 months ago. She is the reason why ruthless pruning of my life is so necessary. Little eyes are watching. All of us have someone watching us. All of us have the opportunity to be beauty to a life that needs to see Christ. I want my life to bear much fruit to His glory. I want to expend my life in such a way that a legacy of beauty is left behind. For that to happen I must be intentional in my living.

Jesus is my example. He lived a life of perfect beauty and the world pressed in hard on Him leaving a perfume behind. That is my desire - that I be the fragrance of Christ. In this beautiful season of spring....on this most heart-rending and yet hope-filled of days - Good Friday - my prayer for you is that beauty moves from your vision to your heart and from your heart to your life. And in so doing He will receive all glory and honor and praise.

I love you, my friends.

February: The Love Month

Welcome to the month of Valentine's and all things LOVE. I have learned much about the true meaning of agape love from the man God blessed me to spend my life with. I am humbled to tell you that it is BILLY far more than Sherrie who practices and models the love of the Father in our house.

I grew up the eldest of three children and I don't know about all the stuff of birth order, but I was certainly the overachiever, always aiming to please firstborn. My parents were normal parents who loved us and praised us and for some reason - I, above the other two thrived on that praise. I constantly strived to "do" in order to hear those words of affirmation and that affirmation spelled LOVE to me. And while that made me a GREAT daughter, it also made for a girl who spelled LOVE - CONDITIONAL. It was all about my doing. My achieving. My effort. My grades. My popularity. In other words, it was all about me. And ME had to DO.

Along came a young man that I fell madly in love with. I was only 18 but those conditions of love were well engrained in my psyche. I hid my ugliness from him. I didn't tell him what was really going on in that young and messed up heart until one day I let something slip. Don't even remember what it was.....but he loved me anyway. I TOTALLY remember that.

Slowly, as he won my trust, I began to be the real Sherrie. Lo and behold......he loved her. I hope this makes sense to someone. I hope it helps someone. My parents never meant to make me so dependent. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't even my fault. For some reason I took normal praise and developed an inordinate craving for it. And I was the one that equated it with love.

That's the problem with seeking the praise of man. It will always be dependent on what man thinks and what you do. And man is a fickle master. He is never satisfied. It will begin an endless and unquenchable cycle that will circle the pit until you are sucked deep into a vacuum of never feeling good enough. That is no way to live.

On our cruise this past week, we got separated for a few hours. I knew I needed to just sit somewhere and be still and wait. I knew he would be frantically looking all over the ship. Sure enough, I saw his bright orange shirt and he came - sweating and worried - and sat down beside me. Before he could say a word I looked at him and said, "I knew you would find me." And we just leaned into each other.

It is a picture of the God's love for us. Sometimes we get so lost. Sometimes we make such a mess of things. Sit still, beloved because He knows right where you are. Be still and look up. Say into His precious face, "I knew you would find me." Affirm His love for you.

The love of God is a love that is dependent on Him and His nature. He just loves. It has nothing to do with us. What we do. How we act. He loves us period and He passionately pursues us.

If that has never been modeled for you, if you have never experienced that kind of love on planet earth, my prayer for you is that you would accept it and believe it of your heavenly Father. Rest in that. Don't be afraid to tell Him your deepest and darkest secrets. He knows them anyway and has been longing to hear them from you so you would be free. As we bring those 'secrets' out of the darkness and into the light, He shows us that they have no power to separate us from His love.

Thank you my sweet husband......for loving me so, so well these 38+ years. You are a gift to me.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor power, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

I know I have been a little remiss in writing but let me introduce you to the most WONDERFUL diversion EVER!!! Miss Sutton Lynne Kulwicki rocked; ahem, I mean entered our world at 11:01 am on December 15, 2011 weighing 8 lbs 7 oz and measuring 20 inches. She is adorable, don't you think?

Mimi got to spend a few nights here and there helping the new parents; ahem, Mom, adapt to newborn feeding and sleeping schedules. In Brandon's defense, Kylie is nursing and he can't do a lot to help with that! I discovered that sleep deprivation looks much better on moms than Mimi's!!

Her first outing was to Mimi's and Pop's for Christmas - if you don't count her pediatrician. I don't. Again, isn't she cute? She was a great Christmas present.

And of course, we are delighted to see what 2012 has to offer now that a baby has entered our world. And a girl at that. Goodness, they have cute clothes. I really wasn't aware. But I am now and I'm loving it!!

So from our family to yours, have a wonderful 2012. Make sure Jesus is at the center of it. He is the giver of all good things. We love you!!

Come, Emmanuel!

We are moving a candle - and Mary - nearer and nearer to the much-anticipated day when we celebrate the birth of Christ. This is the first year we have actually had an advent candle in our home and I wish we had done it long ago. There is something very anticipatory about lighting that candle and moving the donkey - with its precious cargo - closer to the day we have commercialized into a multi-billion dollar business. Somehow the simplicity of lighting that candle is reminding me what Christmas is really about! God on a redemptive mission.

Emmanuel - God with us. Jesus coming into our world. Living as a man. Struggling with all the same stuff we do. In order to pay a ransom we couldn't pay. Every day a day closer to our redemption. How exciting is that?

He is the ultimate Christmas gift. The riches of God given to man. It costs us nothing and yet it cost Him everything.

The irony is not lost on me. We turn this time of year into a harried mess - stressing ourselves to the max to spend more and enjoy less while a very poor and very pregnant Mary journeyed one day at a time on a donkey to give birth to her firstborn child in a manger. No family. No friends. No midwife. No comforts. And yet - God was in her.

My prayer for us this special time of the year is that we would take one day at a time and savor it to the full. God is present in this day. And this day is the only day in which He comes to you.

COME, Emmanuel!

When It's Hard to Give Thanks

It is easy to give thanks when you stop and truly meditate on what you have and not what you don't have. But what do you do when the what-you-don't-have is a person? Or worse yet, people? If age teaches you anything, it teaches you that things can be replaced. People cannot.

I look around me and so many people are hurting. So much has been lost in the last six years....not just for me.....for nearly everyone has been touched by the economy, by death, by disease, by disheartenment, by discouragement. Sometimes I literally believe I can feel the weight on my chest of those for whom I pray. It makes me ache.

And yet.....God is good. Always. He is not put out by the weakness of our economy OR our faith. He is firmly seated on the throne and He is not anxious or afraid. He has a plan and it is being accomplished in His way and in His timing. And we, His beloved; are just as firmly held in His hand. His wing of protection arched tenderly over and around us. Not a thing comes to us that He hasn't allowed...and it is for our good and His glory.

That is how we give thanks always. In the knowing. Faith is knowing what we don't see. Faith is knowing Him. That has been my determined purpose for many years. And when the ravages of grief threatened to overwhelm me, when the enemy tried to steal my sanity and my hope, it was the knowing Him that was my salvation.

So when it's hard to give thanks, give thanks for Him. For the One who sits on the throne and never makes a mistake. For the One who promises to bring good from all this mess around us. For the One who sees the ending that you and I can't yet see but know will be more wonderful than we can imagine.

That is why He told us to give thanks in everything. Not because everything is good but because He is always worthy of our thanks. And because our souls respond to gratitude. They are lifted from the murky shadows of this world to the light of His presence when we intentionally voice our thanks. Thanks for a God who allows His children to hurt for a season so they can be victorious for eternity.

All of that will more than compensate for all of this. It's a promise and I know the Promise-Giver.

When it's hard to give thanks, do it anyway. You will have to be intentional. You may begin grudgingly...but do it, my friend. Do it. It will transform you. It will defeat the enemy who has tried to blindfold you to the deep and abiding love God has for you as well as the purposes He is accomplishing in you. And you will find thankfulness to be self-fulfilling. As you give thanks, you will become thankful. And it will be a real thankfulness...not a thankfulness that is shallowly based on what you can touch. A thankfulness that is deeply rooted in those things that cannot be touched. For they are what is real!

".....for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

The Ledger Reunion

I know I've done this before. BUT this year was OUR year. Every nine years it becomes your family's turn to figure out a theme, plan, decorate and put on the Ledger Reunion. This was the first year we were without Mother and we sure missed her! She took care of the 'little' details we never thought about. And she worried so we didn't have to. No kidding. I never worried about stuff until this year and I guess I just had to because she wasn't there to do it.

I think it was Kylie who thought up the Candy Land theme. It was easy to do and bright and colorful. My job was the caterer and getting RSVP's from my family had me pulling my hair out. They are true procrastinators. But my perseverance paid off - we had a great turnout. I think it was just about 100!!! We used Kolache Kitchen in Temple for our food and it was FABULOUS!! We had chicken spaghetti/lasagna, green beans, salad, rolls and then the Ledgers themselves do a dessert contest. More about that later.
Here's my Billy. With his accounting background, he was best suited for handling the money. We charge for the lunch and then we take up a donation for the rent of the building for the next year. We also sold t-shirts - he is modeling it!! Wish I had a picture of the back of it. SO CUTE!!!
Here is a picture of the tables before everyone got there. They were so bright and festive!!! That's a board game runner! Cute, huh? We have some real talent on our side. {wink}
Everybody pitches in. I especially appreciate the In-Laws!! After all they married into this madness. ha This is our Matthew with Kylie putting the last minute touches on the coloring contest table. Oh yes, the kids get into the action. We start them young.
On the left is my cousin, Debbie who won the dessert contest (that's her prize - the cupcake carrier). She made a YUMM-O carrot cake. She wins every year. Or someone in her family does. I've never won. I quit bringing desserts too. I'm not bitter.
Here's the next generation working on their masterpieces. I can't tell you how many pictures of my sweet boys that I have. You can tell by their expressions every year who won and who didn't. I have boys that pout BIG.
Here's my Mother's sweet family. This is really what keeps us keeping on. It's all about family. I know you are going to think we are so weird but we have fun at our reunions. Don't get me wrong because we are a NORMAL family. Everybody gripes and complains about going. Moans. Acts put out. Then we go and my family is working the room!!!! They crack me up.
I had to put this picture up. It makes me smile. Matt's head is shaved. Kylie's baby bump is growing! Brandon has his arm around his wife AND mother and Billy - well, he's just our rock!!! And a really cute one, don't you think? :D

Anyway, thanks for reading this crazy blog post. It will be NINE years before we have to do this again! I will be 66!!!! Sutton will be 8!!!! We started talking about that when we were cleaning up and de-stressing when everyone was gone. It made us all laugh and it was sobering. I'm totally planning to pass on the 'worry gene' to the next generation for our next 'round.'

Here's to family!!! Here's to reunions!!! And here's to the greatest reunion EVER that is to come. A reunion where Memory Tables are a thing forgotten. Where aging will be a moot point. And where we will never have to set up or clean up again! BUT do put in your RSVP - it's free to you. Just say "yes" to Christ!!! He died to grant you entrance!!!

PLAYING HOOKY

Well - did anybody miss me? It's been a while. Truthfully...it's the heat. I truly do NOT like to be hot and this summer has been the summer of record-breaking heat and exceptional drought. Sucked the life right out of me!!! So let's play catch-up.

Have been teaching my little heart out this summer. Led a group of precious women in a study of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts at my house this summer. We had 20 ladies learning how to count it all as grace. We numbered our gifts and found great joy. What a delight those 6 weeks were!

Visited my sweet friends in Paris and my friend, Jan in Odessa. Made a new friend in Evelyn - a fellow sojourner in grief. Deepened my newer friendships in Rockwall.

My Life Group has grown like crazy this summer! I am so excited - we all are. They are the greatest group of ladies. They make everyone feel welcome, they are full of joy, they serve the Lord and our church in over 13 ministries and they love, love, love to learn God's Word. A teacher's dream. :D

Billy and I have traveled a lot and truly delight in this time of our lives. He is a great husband, friend and Dad! I adore him. He's training for the White Rock marathon right now. I think it's crazy but he is happy and so far his knees and hips are holding out! I'm on Weight Watchers. ugh Losing......o h......s o.......s...l...o...w...l...y! But I'm re-learning how to eat and gaining discipline. Not fun but it does eventually pay off. Or it better. I can handle delayed gratification but I want SOME.

Brandon and Kylie are getting closer to being parents again! C-section date is set for December 15 and our little grand-daughter is making her presence known by dancing all over her mother's tummy! Makes us all excited and happy. We're all still pretty shocked that the Kulwicki's are having a GIRL. Have a feeling that my three men are in for a major wrapping around one tiny little finger! Kylie and I are just tickled to add some estrogen to this mix!

Matt shaved his head! This might not matter to most people but considering he was so paranoid of LOSING it, for him to shave it surprised me. He still looks mighty cute to me. Has a perfect head - shape. Says his mother. Anyway...Matt plays on about six soccer teams in the Rockwall area so we get to watch him play a lot and it is so fun for us because we spent a heck of a lot of time doing that in the 90's. He is an awesome athlete!

We are in charge of the Ledger Reunion this year. Happens every nine years and is always a MAJOR PAIN but SO WORTH IT in the end. We have this huge family and this will be the 43rd reunion and our first (to be in charge of ) without our mom! She would be proud that we have persevered. Our theme is Candy Land (the board game) and I will be sure to post pics in a few weeks. That will make me blog sooner! :) We are up to 80 people registered so it should be a good year again.

This red hot summer has just been a reminder that life is all about seasons and this season has been one of rest for us. Just taking life as it comes and enjoying it to the fullest. Too hot to do much but stay in the cool and enjoy one another. Not a bad way to live!

Hope your summer has been a good one. I promise - I have a lot more to say when it's cooler. :D

San Francisco

Billy's company is nationwide so we get to take a lot of business trips to see this beautiful country we are blessed to live in. We recently returned from San Francisco. We had never been here before except for a layover for a plane trip so we tacked on a few days to our business and had a mini-vacation. It was a great decision because we had the most wonderful time. The weather was very windy and the temperature was in the 60's - which we were told is normal for this beautiful city on the bay.This is the Golden Gate bridge which is - orange. Has to be painted every year (and it takes a year to do which makes for good job security) and the orange is to make it very visible to planes and ships.

I actually rode one of these trolley cars - which was VERY crowded.

Here are the 7 Sisters. Seven victorian houses built by the same man. The house that is third from the left is the famous Full House television series house. The house on the far left was recently repainted at a cost of $200,000!!!
This is the entrance to Alcatraz. I found it fascinating. I had no clue about the history of this place. The views of Alcatraz and the views from it were so beautiful. I'm sure it was doubly punishing to be locked up within eye's view of the beauty of San Francisco.
This is Lombard street. Famous for its steepness! I actually walked down this hill. It was crazy because there are houses on either side of this street and they are sitting right on the street. And cars are just lining up to go down it and people are walking up and down the steps CONSTANTLY. I can't imagine living on that.

We also traveled up the mountain to Muir Woods to see the beautiful redwoods. It was almost like a sanctuary in those woods. The trees were like a canopy surrounding you and it made things very quiet and shaded. This is a picture of the sun trying to penetrate the trees. I found it so beautiful.

We returned home in time for Father's Day and this is my sweet husband and father of my precious boys. How I love him, thank God for him and just appreciate so much how he takes care of us. He is a gift. He deserves this wonderful job he has and I sure am grateful he takes me with him!!

Hope you had a wonderful Father's Day and take the time every day to see the wonders of the world we live in! You don't have to go away to do it.

The Rapture, the weather and other news

The rapture was to have occurred last Saturday. It was due while we were to be in church....that would have been cool. My sweet husband woke up that morning and as we were sitting up in bed with our hot coffee and Bibles having our quiet time, said to me, "Well babe, if today is the day, I want you to know it was a great ride with you and I wouldn't have traded it for anything!" How sweet is that? Just blessed my heart so much. I feel the exact same way about him. He is a gift.

But as the Lord would have it - that was the not the day. Didn't really think it would be since I have a feeling we won't have that kind of warning. The Bible is pretty clear that we have all the warning we are going to get. As if earthquakes, wars, riots, natural disasters of all kinds and Jesus Himself saying that no one knows, but to be ready are not enough. But we, being the flesh that we are - just like a little control - as in when, where, how. And God, being the Sovreign that He is, is firmly seated on the throne and He has said all that is to be said on the subject.

But it saddens me a little that I have heard more ridicule and anger directed towards the 'predictor' of the rapture from believers than from the secular world. And I wonder why? Why are we so mean-spirited? Why are we so opposed to someone confronting people with the truth - Jesus is going to return. Life is going to be over as they knew it. Judgement is coming. And for those who do not know Christ, it will be dreadful.

Oh, I know they think it makes us look stupid when it doesn't happen. So what? The cross looks stupid too - if you don't know. It just makes me sad that we are mean. It makes me angry that we can't just say - "No one knows but we need to be ready." Truth is, someone will probably by accident guess correctly! That doesn't take away from the truth of God's word. It doesn't mean they were smarter or more spiritual. It just means eventually it's going to happen.

I don't know. The weather has been VERY different. No country or hemisphere has been neglected. God is making it very clear that no one is exempt from trouble and that we are NOT in control of anything. Financial trouble is hitting the mightiest. Unemployment, inflation and disease are becoming old news. We - the children of God - need to be sensitive to the timing of events and to be pro-active in telling others about the source of our hope. The reason we are not afraid. The certainty that there is more than this life and this world.

If one man's prediction caused one person to ask if there was an escape plan, I am grateful. It was one bite of fruit that brought us to this place in history and God never once took His eye off of the end. We are destined for better than this. Jesus was our rescuer. He was the battle plan sent to redeem us - set us right, return us to a state of excellence. I am just so grateful. So thankful that bite didn't doom us forever.

So...turn your eyes upon Jesus. Be grateful. This world will pass away. We, who know Christ will meet Him in the air.....and so will begin happily ever after. And tell somebody. Perhaps the signs have softened hearts and they will turn. Ask God to help you love enough to tell.

The Sweetest News of All

This was in my Mother's Day gift! A birth announcement - I'm going to be a MiMi again!!! Lots of laughter and tears......lots of joy and fears.

Please pray for Brandon and Kylie and this precious gift from God! It would mean so much to us.

Little Sweet Pea is due on Christmas!!!

Bipolar Texas Weather

I saw this posted on facebook by someone this week and I laughed out loud - our Texas weather HAS truly been bipolar! And I had made a promise to myself that I would post at least once a month. Since April is almost gone, I figured I better get on here.

Truthfully. Spring is difficult for me. Still. I don't like admitting that. Who would have thought that six years later, I would still be bipolar myself in my grief? It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I'm somehow failing God or my calling or even Justin. And yet.....it is my reality.

I swing from faith to sorrow so easily in the spring. I KNOW - and yet my reality is this place called earth where my heart has a gaping hole that only heaven will fill. Spring attests to the reality that following the bleakness of winter there is life and it is abundant and beautiful and crisp and clean. I LOVE that. And yet....it also reminds me of a doorbell one Monday morning and a life forever changed.

The thunderstorms threaten. They are loud. They are dramatic. They leave a mess. And then....there is beauty. For they have watered the earth. They have shaken the weak and dead limbs to prune the landscape. And I see that God is doing that in me.

I have learned that it is out of the darkness and out of the dead that true beauty comes. The seed in the dark soil. The baby from the womb. The sun from the night sky. And a living Savior from a cemetery tomb.

So I apologize for being quiet for a while. The one thing I don't want to do is leave a swath of destruction in my wake like our Texas storms sometimes do! So I go into my quiet place where the one Who bandages my heart, calms my anxious spirit and stills my soul meets with me and reminds me that all is well. That if He knows each sparrow that falls - how much more does He know and minister to me.

It is the morning after the resurrection and I am choosing to live like it is. The joy of Easter extending to the days after.....and after....and after. Until our faith is made sight.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice for us. Thank you for defeating sin and death. Thank you for the promise that is ours because of YOU! Thank you that IN YOU all things are possible.

Asking For Too Little

I was taking a soak in my big bathtub one morning this past week and was just thinking of all kinds of things and talking to the Lord about them. He and I do that a lot. Most of the time I do most of the talking.

We had just come off a business trip in Orlando with a lot of Billy's constituents. I went on a shopping trip with some of the wives and it was a little (ok, a lot) unsettling to try on summer clothes after the winter hibernation. SO......as I was lying there soaking, I began telling the Lord what a great plan it would be for Him to take away my taste for food so that I could be slim. Almost immediately I heard His still, small voice say, "How about I take away your bent for sin so that you can be holy?"

GULP

Not exactly what I had on my mind that morning. As usual I was thinking a lot smaller than He does. His thoughts are definitely higher than my thoughts. I am interested in the here and now. I am interested in what makes me look better and feel better about myself. He is too - just in a LOT bigger way.

Holiness is beautiful.

Holiness is healthy.

Holiness benefits us.

Holiness is eternal.

I need to lose some weight. I need to do it though not for cuter clothes but for my long-term health. The method for losing it will be a discipline in paying attention to what I eat and practicing recording the 'what' and 'how much' food and exercise I daily engage in.

I need to gain holiness. I need to do that for long-term/eternal health. Gaining holiness requires much the same discipline as losing weight. I need to pay attention to what I put in my mind and heart and then begin practicing holy habits.

Both are difficult because in these days. We are accustomed to the quick fix. We drive by and pick up without thought to what we are actually doing. We want it now and we want it supersized or road rage. We have lost the patience required for long term change. Nothing worth having is easy or fast.

So I'm asking for more these days. More of Him. Less of me. If that comes along with a little weight loss - all the better.

"You shall be holy; for I the Lord your God am holy."